When my husband and I hit our late twenties, we thought we had plenty of time to plan for parenthood. We figured we’d start trying when we turned 30. But life had other plans! By the time we were 30, we found ourselves navigating the chaos and joy of raising three little ones. Watching them grow into kind, funny, talented, and hardworking young adults has been our greatest accomplishment. Now, as empty nesters, it feels like the perfect time to reflect on what we got right, where we stumbled, and how our experiences might help others.
Before I dive in, I want to acknowledge that we've been incredibly fortunate in many ways. My husband and I work as a team, always supporting each other through every challenge and triumph. I recognize that everyone's parenting journey is unique, with its own set of obstacles. The lessons I share here are simply what worked for us.
Consistency
Consistency in parenting takes many forms. Whether it’s setting regular naptimes, sticking to a bedtime routine, or ensuring homework is done right after school, kids thrive when they know what to expect. I’ll never forget a friend visiting from out of town, amazed by how quiet our house was. That’s because I had just put all three kids down for a nap, as part of their daily routine. Not only did it help them, but it also gave me some much-needed quiet time.
One of our routines was bedtime: we’d get ready for bed, "belax" on the couch together (as my kids would say), and then read a few books before lights out. Of course, they always wanted to “belax” longer, and while we’d sometimes cave, we did our best to maintain consistency. That structure made life easier for everyone.
Commitment
We believe in finishing what you start. When my youngest son decided to try wrestling in high school, we made it clear that if he signed up, he had to finish the season. Wrestling turned out to be much harder than he expected, and there were times when he wanted to quit. But he stuck with it, learning that commitment means pushing through discomfort. Although he didn’t sign up for the next season, the lesson of seeing something through stuck with him.
Choices (To a Point)
When the kids were little, we tried to give them small, manageable choices. For instance, at lunch, we’d ask if they wanted a turkey or peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead of an open-ended question like, “What do you want to eat?” Offering choices helped them feel like they had control, even within boundaries.
But there were times when we didn’t give them a choice. For example, my daughter was required to attend her brothers’ baseball games, and they had to attend her gymnastics meets. It reinforced the idea of supporting family, and they learned early on where they had a say and where they didn’t. This helped us avoid unnecessary arguments.
Room to Try and Fail
I’m a firm believer in letting kids try things on their own, even when I know they might fail. I recall a time when a group of moms and daughters were doing crafts together. One mom kept “fixing” her daughter’s project, adjusting it to look just like the sample. I kept quiet, but I wanted to tell her to step back. Kids need the freedom to experiment, even if their work isn’t perfect. You never know – they might create something completely different and wonderful. This freedom fosters creativity and resilience in the long run.
Adventures
I always encourage families to get out and explore! Take walks, visit the zoo, go on trips. Exposing kids to new places and experiences broadens their thinking and creates memories you’ll all cherish. Our three kids all have passports – not because we had trips planned, but so they’re ready to go at a moment’s notice if the opportunity arises. (Though this philosophy might have backfired on me when my youngest decided to go to college across the country in Arizona!)
Extended Family
Encouraging relationships with extended family was vital for us. There were times during their teenage years when my kids didn’t want to talk to us about their problems. Instead, I’d suggest they call their Aunt Kiki. She’s always been there for them, and I’m sure she knows things about their lives that I don’t – and I’m okay with that. Having another trusted adult to confide in gave them an outlet when they weren’t ready to open up to us, and that was a huge relief.
Church and Volunteering
Faith has been an important part of our family’s foundation. From baptism and preschool through confirmation and youth camps, our kids grew up in a church that welcomed all people. This environment of kindness, acceptance, and faith helped shape their values. When they started using social media, I’d often ask, “Is that something you’d want our pastor to see?” Through church, they also had the opportunity to volunteer and give back to others. These experiences taught them to count their blessings and strive to help those in need.
Trust Your Instincts
One of the biggest lessons we learned was to trust our instincts. When our middle son struggled with reading, the teachers kept telling him to “try harder.” We knew something wasn’t right, so we had him tested outside of school. He was diagnosed with dyslexia and dysgraphia, which explained his difficulties. Trusting our instincts allowed us to get him the help he needed, and he went on to graduate high school and attend college.
Parenting is a wild ride full of ups and downs, but trusting yourself and finding what works for your family makes all the difference.
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